The Covid-19 pandemic
and subsequent shelter-at-home regulations have turned me into something of an
FYI Network junkie.
Admittedly, I
occasionally watched a bit of “Texas Flip-N-Move” on Saturday mornings while
eating breakfast before the pandemic. I really enjoyed that show.
Unfortunately, since lockdown, other shows have taken its place.
Especially this summer,
between my morning bike ride, taking the dog for a walk and the afternoon in
the pool, or on rainy days, I’d tune in to one of two or sometimes three FYI
channels to see the latest in home renovation.
Over the course of
several months, I’ve learned a few things, like what to make sure your home
inspector checks when buying a new – or not-so-new house, and that I don’t like
subway tile.
I’ve discovered, too,
what I like and don’t like of the various offerings.
As I said, “Texas
Flip-N-Move” was a favorite. Several individuals, couples or groups make their
living bidding on houses that would otherwise be torn down – the insides of
which are sight unseen. The hour follows them moving the house, either to their
work land or to a new permanent piece of land that will be auctioned with the
house.
The next step is to set
about fixing the house, or at times, turning a different type of building into
a house. Much of the building – cabinets, walls, closets, etc. – is done by
these flippers. They don’t order pre-made kitchen cabinets for the most part.
In fact, sometimes they use items like cabinets or other furniture saved from
previous flips as part of the redesign. The style, for the most part, is very
much country/Texas.
My favorites on the
show are the Snow Sisters. They come across as a bit hayseed, not the sharpest
crayon types, but I think it’s part of the show’s shtick because they’ve
repeatedly shown themselves as top-notch interior designers. It’s rare for one
of their flips to go for less at auction than what they spent plus a tidy
profit. And I really like most of their designs.
There are also others
who bid on these houses. The Snow Sisters have a niece or three who also flip
houses, and there are a married couple, three guys who are brothers, and a guy
who mostly works solo. I’m pretty sure most of them are somehow related to the
Snow Sisters.
Another of my favorite
DIY shows features Mike Holmes, a Canadian home renovator. He started out with “Holmes
Makes It Right,” in which he comes in and fixes what other construction crews
or remodelers have done wrong to people’s homes, or just not done at all.
I’ve learned a lot from his shows, especially
how electrical and plumbing should not be done. Those are two things he and his
crew nearly always have to re-do.
Mike Holmes has
branched out. He has several shows, including “Holmes on Homes,” where he goes
with home buyers to see three different homes they’re considering buying. He
shows them all of the things that will need to be fixed, and discusses what
they want to renovate before they move in. Once they have the information on
how much those things will cost, they decide which house is the best option for
them.
His son and daughter
have joined his crew. (“Holmes and Holmes”) They add fun as well as their own
style of interior design.
Something I
particularly like about his crew is it includes women. He trains women
apprentices as well as men in the construction business, and it’s great to see
how they learn and grow throughout the shows.
There are a couple of
shows I’ve watched once or twice, and didn’t like.
“Living off the Grid” is
primarily about building primitive homes with solar panels for heat and
electricity in Alaska. Even if the homes are as comfortable as any, I’m just
not into log cabin chic.
“Barnwood Builders” is
also on my must-flee list. In this show, they knock down old barns, collect the
wood, and make “new” houses from it. While it’s great that they recycle, again
it’s log cabin chic. They spend an inordinate amount of time admiring the “patina”
of the old wood, nail marks and, frankly, wood rot. What they call patina I
call “It needs to be sanded and stained or painted.” I suppose I have suburban
tastes.
I’m also not fond of
“Christina on the Coast.” I simply don’t care for her cookie-cutter,
over-priced beach front homes.
The same could be said
for the woman who renovates in “Bargain Mansions.” She takes run-down mansions
that she buys for astoundingly low prices and almost always turns them into
open concept houses that have been stripped of their uniqueness.
For example, she seems to hate curved interior doorways, any type of pillar, or
any room that could be remotely considered a library. While she may be
gentrifying her corner of the Midwest, anyone who has to tell you the space
they’ve renovated is beautiful lacks a certain amount of confidence – or else
she thinks her customers aren’t smart enough to know beauty when they see it.
Also on my list of
“I’ll pass” shows is “Pool Kings,” where the builders design enormous in-ground
pools for people with more money than I’d know what to do with.
Unfortunately, all of
their pools fall into only two categories: those with a “water feature”
(Imagine that, a water feature in a pool!), which is their way of saying a
waterfall and a waterslide beside it, or one with a lazy river around the edges
of the pool. While it would be nice to have a pool (and space) for either of
those, their lack of imagination means if you’ve seen two episodes, that’s
pretty much it.
“Million Dollar Lottery
Dream Homes” is just that. This guy, who seems to be more inked on every
episode, shows Hollywood-style mansions to people who have just won millions in
the lottery.
The guy really knows
his clientele, and has good business sense. But people buying the houses are
some of the pickiest people without the taste to go along with their millions.
I’m simply not a bling-for-the-sake-of-bling type of person. While I’d love to
win the lottery someday, I think I’d keep my middle-class house – well maybe
I’d move into one of the Victorians in the middle of town – and use the money
to travel.
It’s an interesting
show to watch if you’ve binge-watched your entire DVD collection, but I
couldn’t take a weekly diet of it.
The same is true of
“The Vanilla Ice Project,” where the former rapper upgrades mansions in
Florida. Apparently he’s a better construction manager than rapper. Still, I’m
not a fan.
There are other shows I
watch occasionally. “Good Bones,” with a red-headed mother and daughter team,
I’ve stopped watching because the show has become more about their personal
lives than about the renovations.
The mother is a
left-over hippie – I suppose most would call her a “free spirit” – who tends
toward flakiness. The daughter, when she’s not preoccupied with her family,
appears to be the main designer. I can’t say many of their finished projects
are to my liking, which is another reason I’ve stopped watching.
“Love It or List It” is
a Canadian program that features a designer and a realtor. They work with
couples, one of whom wants to move, the other who wants to stay in their house,
which doesn’t fit their needs.
The designer tries to
renovate the home to the level that would make them both want to stay. The
realtor tries to find the perfect home to lure them from their current house.
There are a few
maddening things about this show. One is that the homeowners haven’t done their
homework, and have no clue how expensive – and sometimes impossible – it is to
make the renovations they want, so that they never get everything they want.
They also never take into account that the HVAC system may need to be replaced
– which isn’t cheap – and it always does. Perhaps they should’ve consulted Mike
Holmes first.
For his part, the
realtor is so busy trying to win – and he’s a bit snotty about it – that he
almost always only finds houses that are above the couple’s budget instead of
telling them what things they won’t get in their price range.
Despite all of the
setbacks that are very formulaic, the designer manages to get at least some of
their wishes done – and very nicely. The thing is, it’s all top-end
accouterments, complete with chandeliers in the bedrooms and walk-in closets
the size of a child’s bedroom. If she used mid-grade materials, she could
afford to do so much more.
The realtor always
manages to find the perfect house, with most, if not all, of their requirements
at a price that can at least be negotiated into their range.
What drives me crazy
about the program is that at least 80 percent of the couples decide to love
their home, often citing memories. No,
she didn’t get much of what we wanted, but we have memories here.
Maybe I’m not that
nostalgic, or perhaps I’ve never lived in a house that triggered that sense of
nostalgia, but memories are what you keep a photo album – or wherever you store
your pictures – for. And I can’t understand why they turn down the perfect
house for that.
Given the opportunity
to live in the perfect house at the right price, the only thing I’d have to say
about the old place is, “List it!”
Lest you think I hate
all of the programs, let me tell you about the ones I love. There are two in
particular.
One is a guy who works
mainly in California. He takes traditional houses – Spanish Colonial or Arts
and Crafts styles – that have been badly renovated over the years, and restores
them to their original glory. Yes, he adds modern touches the homeowners want,
like updated kitchens with islands. But in the end, the homes are gorgeously
restored.
The second is a guy who
works in Bucks County, Pennsylvania, and occasionally ventures into Chester or
Montgomery County. He mainly restores the pre-Revolutionary war era stone
houses still to be found in these Philadelphia suburbs.
He can often tell by
looking that plaster might be hiding a stone wall. He sometimes discovers a
staircase, a fireplace, or once in a while very old letters hidden behind the
walls. He restores these homes to their former beauty. At times he finds new
uses for old structures, like the time he turned an outbuilding that had once
been a spring house into a wine cellar.
Of course, he works
with people who appreciate the history of their homes. Not everyone in real
life does.
About a 10-minute drive
from our house is an old stone farmhouse – or it was. I would love to have bought a home like that. Unfortunately,
the people who live there don’t share my love of stone house history. A few
years after we moved into the area, the owners had the entire house done in
vinyl siding. While the house may be warmer and easier to maintain, I’m sure
they could have insulated it without ruining the integrity of the stone
exterior.
But I digress.
“Rehab Addict” is
another show with a mid-western woman who buys dilapidated houses in Minneapolis
and Detroit, and restores them to their original style, but with a few modern
touches.
She is a single mom
working with a limited budget, so she carefully removes trim and cabinets when
repairs are needed so she can reuse them. She, too, has a storage space where
she keeps things from previous projects that didn’t fit with her renovations.
None of the “rip it out and throw it out” mindset for her.
While she tends to use
a lot of subway tile, it fits with the style of the houses in the area. When
she’s finished, there’s a beautiful home in keeping with the intent of the
original architect, and one less abandoned house in the area.
Having at least sampled
all of these shows, you may think I’m now planning to renovate my house.
You would be wrong.
While, given the
chance, I’d list my current home, looking around, other than new wallpaper in
one or two rooms, the only changes I’d make are to put a colored glass
backsplash in the kitchen, and quartz countertops to replace the Formica. The
kitchen/dining room/conservatory is essentially open concept, so the house
would sell easily if we ever decided to move. And everything is as much to our
liking as we can have in this house.
But perhaps I have been
watching just a bit too many renovation shows.
