Americans need to grow up.
I can see the eye roll coming if I say, “When I was younger
– or as some like to say, back in my day
-- people were more responsible.” But it’s true.
When I was growing up we were taught from a young age that
each of us had responsibilities. We learned our responsibilities long before we
were given our freedoms. Complaints of, “It isn’t fair!” were met with, “Life
isn’t fair,” or “I’ll show you fair,” followed by the threat of worse things to
come.
And there were
consequences. If you chose to break your new toy, Mommy didn’t run out and buy
you a new one. No, that was one less toy you had. And you were punished for the
willful disregard for how hard your parents had to work to provide you with the
pleasures they never had.
School was our job as children. You were taught, and given homework
to help you better understand what you had been taught. You weren’t rewarded
for doing what you were supposed to. There were no toys, stickers or parties
because you completed a page of multiplication table exercises. The only stars
on papers were for 100% on a test – if that particular teacher did stars, or on
a piano lesson page once it had been mastered.
It wasn’t all drudgery. We had actual recess, not what passes for recess now recess. Today it’s about 10 – 15 minutes of children standing
around talking or screaming, with one or two running around.
When I was younger it was 30 minutes in the morning and an
hour at lunch outside, every day, unless it was actively raining. There were no
heat indices or wind-chill factors. We went outside to run, play tag, jump rope
or play hopscotch. Yes, a few sat on the pavement to play Jacks. The only
people standing around were the teachers who were guarding us and the upper
classes who thought they were too cool to “play.”
No one mollycoddled us. If it was cold, you were expected to
dress appropriately: coat, hat and gloves. If you lost or forgot any of these,
oh well. That would teach you to remember. Since I attended Catholic school,
replete with uniforms, if it was hot, you could offer your suffering up for the
poor souls in Purgatory.
I’m sure there were children with asthma when I was in
school, although I didn’t know any.
Perhaps someone, somewhere was allergic to peanut butter, but again, I
didn’t know that individual. There were no bans on any particular food at our
school.
If a teacher accused you of wrongdoing, you were guilty
unless you could demonstrate that you had not done the act. Even if your
parents didn’t agree with the punishment, the teacher ruled in the classroom,
and you were punished. In our family,
if you got in trouble at school, just wait
till you got home!
Parents didn’t show outrage over a teacher rightly or
wrongly accusing their child of wrongdoing. Even if you were not in the wrong,
it was more than likely that your parents would say, “Well, I’m sure you got
away with something else at some point, so this is punishment for that.” No one
got a free pass at school for not being read their Miranda rights.
Report cards were like an annual review at work. We were
expected to do well. If we didn’t, our parents worked with us on the subject
until we understood it. If we did well, you might get such high praise as,
“Good job.” There were no prizes for good grades. No money passed hands.
If you wanted to join a sports team, the expectation was
that you could play the sport. You had to try out, and if you weren’t good
enough, you didn’t get on the team. If you didn’t listen to your coach, you
didn’t get to stay on the team. But you learned how to work as a team, and that
you don’t always win at everything.
Adults took responsibility, too.
They didn’t leave it to the village to raise their children
– although if you did something wrong in the neighborhood, an adult who wasn’t
your parent didn’t hesitate to reprimand you for it.
Parents didn’t send you off to school with the expectation
that school would teach you everything. You knew how to tie your shoes, zip
your coat, wipe your own nose – and bring your own tissues with you – and use
appropriate manners long before you set foot in school. Parents helped you with
homework, or at least made sure you got it done.
Other families did things differently, but in my family, we
received an allowance that was unrelated to any tasks we were expected to do in
the home. The purpose of the allowance was to teach us how to responsibly
handle money. That money was ours to do with as we pleased. It wasn’t much: a
dime, a quarter, and you had to be in high school before you got a whole
dollar. But the point was, we had our own money. And payday was Friday after
dinner.
My parents bought us gifts for Christmas and our birthdays.
That was it. It was a rare treat for them to buy us toys for no reason at all.
So, if we wanted something else, it was our responsibility to save allowance money
to buy it.
Parents and other adults took responsibility for themselves
and their families. Yes, there were, I’m sure, those who didn’t, but the
majority did. And I’m sure today the same holds true, but what we see is more
disarray.
Adults had certain rules they played by. One was that
religion and politics weren’t discussed in polite conversations. That didn’t
necessarily hold true if you were having a private conversation with a friend
or co-worker. But people were generally civil when discussing these things.
In a conversation
between two people of different Christian faiths, no one told the other they
weren’t Christian because their beliefs were different. Friends could disagree
on politics, but it didn’t turn into a bloodbath of invective and name-calling.
Politics generally didn’t create violence against those who disagreed.
No, things weren’t perfect.
We had racism.
We had religious sectarianism.
We had sexism.
We had McCarthyism.
GBLTQ identification was considered criminal.
People with physical, mental and developmental difficulties
were labeled “Retarded” and “Crippled” and kept out of the mainstream.
But is it really better now?
Some of it is slowly getting better.
Those with physical, mental and developmental difficulties
are now seen rather than being “put away.” They are mainstreamed in the public
schools. Buildings and sidewalks are designed to allow them access. But there
are still those who stare, still those who judge someone who “looks normal” and
parks in a handicapped space, regardless of whether or not they have the
appropriate card or license plate.
The GBLTQ community is actually that now. People are allowed
to be open about who they are, and live their lives openly. But there is still
a stigma. Businesses are still legally allowed to refuse to serve these people
by stating “religious objections.” Despite their increased visibility, people
in the GBLTQ community continue to face discrimination and hate crimes.
McCarthyism did die, but not before unjustly ruining
people’s lives. It should forever stand as a stain on our national reputation.
It should stand as a warning to us
now and to future generations.
A bit harsh? Look around at what is happening politically
now. Those who are supposed to be our leaders are condoning muzzling the media
or anyone who doesn’t share their view. Some might call it rhetoric, but it
stops being rhetoric when people are
gunned down for stating views opposed to what those leaders espouse. No, not
McCarthyism. Far worse, although made of similar fabric.
Sexism is far from over. While not as overt in our media as
it once was, sexism is alive and well. The “Me too” movement has exposed
something people generally think of as either a policy that was carried out
during the “Golden Age” of film or a given if you want to get ahead in acting.
That anyone could be complacent is outrageous.
It isn’t just in the acting industry that this goes on.
Everything from the little slights like being told you can’t do something
because, “You’re just a girl,” (which I hope doesn’t still happen, but I’m sure
it does) to military personnel being raped by their colleagues is part of the
continuing sexism that goes on in this country. As long as any of those things
occur here, we will be a sexist country.
Religious sectarianism never went away. The venue simply changed.
Instead of Catholics and Jews having to worry about being
openly discriminated against, it’s mostly Moslems. Don’t get me wrong, the Catholics
and Jews still face moments of discrimination, albeit less overt most of the
time, although recent events have proven that anti-semitism is still too much alive, but it seems to have become acceptable to hate Moslems. Sikhs get pulled
into the discrimination because the bigots can’t tell a Sikh from a Moslem.
Even Protestants don’t get off scot free. In some places,
you can be Christian, but if you’re not Christian enough (i.e. Evangelical
“Christian”) you just aren’t good enough.
Of course, those who call themselves “Christian” and set
themselves up as judge and jury to those they meet are hardly espousing
Christ’s rules or example. If you’re truly Christian, you should be quoting the
Beatitudes or the Gospels, not Leviticus.
It’s enough to make me want to be an atheist so that everyone can tell me I’m going to hell.
I wouldn’t care. I wouldn’t believe in it.
And then we get to racism. Until about three years ago, I
was under the happy delusion that racism was gradually going away. Look at all
the interracial marriages. We don’t have race riots any more (for the most
part). People I know don’t care what color you are. Besides, I was raised to
treat everyone equally, regardless of race, creed, gender, sexual identity, ancestry,
etc. Boy, was I deluded!
It isn’t a matter of how many days or weeks go by between
reports of violence against people of color. It’s a matter of how many people
of color were victims of violence today.
Yes, it’s a two-way street. But by far, people of color are
more likely to have violence done to them. In today’s society the people of
color includes those of Hispanic/Latino heritage. Our so-called leaders are making them
out to be criminals, regardless of their age, sex or actual background simply
because of their ethnic heritage.
But why do things seem to be going backwards rather than
forwards?
There is no one reason but there does seem to be a general
laxity of what is appropriate that has been going on for decades.
It starts with a lack of respect, both for ourselves and
others. The “I don’t have to respect you
because I don’t like you,” attitude of the schoolyard bully that isn’t
corrected while the person is still young. It continues with lack of simple
common decency, also known as good manners. And it escalates into a lack of
responsibility. “It wasn’t my fault!” may be expected from a six-year-old, but
shouldn’t be tolerated, even then.
These things have been more and more widely accepted over
the course of years. We’ve devolved into a people who don’t dare correct
someone because, even to beep your horn at someone who has failed to notice the
light has changed could get you shot. And in certain states, that shooter won’t
even be charged with a crime because they were just “standing their ground.”
Even if this is an exaggeration, the litigious nature of this country makes
people afraid to take action. If I reprimand your child for being a brat – even
though I would never actually call him/her that to their face – you might sue me.
Americans have become a polarized, wussy bunch of whiners,
yet it’s mainly the lazy, couldn’t-be-bothered variety who deserve the largest
portion of blame for the country being the way it is.
Americans need to stand up and start taking some responsibility.
Everyone is quick to blather on about their rights. Yet no
one bothers to acknowledge that every right bears a responsibility. As they say
in science (which really does exist):
To every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
You have the right to cross the street. But if you don’t
take the responsibility of looking both ways before you cross, you may be hit
by a car. And yes, it is your
fault. That’s how responsibility works.
America may not be any worse in these things than any other country
(that’s a whole different debate), but it certainly isn’t any better. What is
needed is for Americans to grow some integrity. You are responsible for what
you do, and if either good or harm comes of it, it’s entirely your fault.
Don’t like something? Fix it. Do something. America is in
the state it’s in because people left if to the other guy.
And please, don’t allow politics to divide us. I have
friends who hate my politics. And I hate theirs. But politics aside, we’re
decent people, so like the polite people we were raised to be, we don’t discuss
politics and we remain friends.
