Sleighing Christmas

 

It’s that time of year again: The same five Christmas songs blaring from speakers everywhere. And they always happen to be five of the ones on my “most detested Christmas songs” list.

You don’t have one of those? Look through a list of popular Christmas songs, and you’ll probably find a dozen or so you’d prefer not to hear.

I was raised with traditional carols and the Christmas songs that became popular in movies and TV shows.

When I was about four or five, my dad came home with a new Christmas album. It was “Merry Christmas” by Johnny Mathis.

I’m sure my parents grew up on Christmas carols by 1940s singers, and friends singing around the family piano. But I learned my Christmas carols in church, and other Christmas songs from records and radio. That Johnny Mathis album was the core of my Christmas song knowledge. I still love it.

The record is divided generally into side one, consisting of secular songs, like “Winter Wonderland”, “The Christmas Song”, etc., and side two, which is mainly religious songs, like “O Holy Night”, and “What Child is This?”(for those who grew up post-vinyl, vinyl records were recorded on both sides, and you had to flip the album over after you finished the first side.)

I learned all of these songs the way Johnny Mathis sang them before I heard anyone else sing them, so to me, Nat King Cole singing “The Christmas Song (Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…)” was nice, but not as good as Johnny. And Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” didn’t hold a candle to Johnny’s version, not to mention Elvis’s “Blue Christmas” was simply horrific compared to the smooth Johnny version.

While I like Big Band music, I’ve never liked the way the singers from that era sang. Bing Crosby, Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra have this syncopated, bee-bop-balua kind of nonsense to their singing that drives me up a wall, and the girlsingers, usually in groups of three or four are devoid of feeling in their singing. All of their songs could be “Don’t Sit Under The Apple Tree with Anyone Else But Me,” they sound so much alike.  So Christmas songs performed by any of them are in the “also ran” category in my book.

I know, people accuse me of blasphemy by saying those things. I’m not in the majority. (The fact that I can’t stand Elvis – as a singer or an actor – makes me an outcast before I even start.) There’s a syncopation in that ‘40s style of singing that makes me feel like my clothes are on backwards. I find it uncomfortable to listen to. But hey, the big bands – sans singers – are wonderful.

So, the older Christmas songs, while I’ve heard them, don’t get much airplay from me. Of course, by now, Johnny’s first Christmas album is considered really old. But to me it stands up as the way those songs should be performed.

One of my other favorite singers in general, is Josh Groban. Unfortunately, I don’t like the way he records most of the Christmas songs I’ve heard from him. He has a tendency to only sing a verse or maybe two, and fill up the rest of the song time with instrumental music or singing the same verse over, even when there are more verses. And often, the verses he does sing are not performed in the traditional way. The only Christmas song I’ve ever heard Josh Groban do that I really liked – and remember this is a singer I just love – is “Believe” from Polar Express. And I really love that one!

I’m a traditionalist. I’m also a singer. I’m not big on instrumental music unless it’s Manheim Steamroller. When I hear Christmas songs, I want all the verses. I don’t want a whacked out, syncopated version of something traditional with half of it missing. I don’t want a drum solo in the middle of “Silent Night.” I don’t want screechy yodeling, as so many women singers do to the “Star Spangled Banner” in my Christmas songs.

One song has its own special category for me in that it has an oft-repeated line that makes no sense. I consider it the As sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti of Christmas song lines. The song is “Do They Know It’s Christmas”. I love the song. The melody is great. The reason the song was written is great. But the line “And there won’t be snow in Africa this Christmas,” gets me every time. Well, Duh! It’s Africa! It’s on the equator. Why would you be looking for snow? Did you learn nothing in Geography class? Even the parts that are not equatorial are in the southern hemisphere, where it’s summer in December! Give me a break! Could the writers not have found a better line for that part of the song? ( How about: “And there’s never snow in Africa at Christmas time”?)

But I’ll let it go, since I do like the song. Don’t blame me; I didn’t write it.

There are also songs that I like, but that were recorded by singers I either don’t care for or whose renditions I don’t like. “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town” by Bruce Springsteen is one. I’m not a huge fan of Springsteen as a singer. As a person, he’s all right. I just don’t like his voice. True, no one else could do “Born to Run” justice. But Bruce as a Christmas singer, well, no. And worse, ever since he recorded his version, every other rocker who’s recorded the song has done it Springsteen style. Ick! It’s like ever since the first time someone did the octave jump on the word “free” in  “The Star Spangled Banner,” which doesn’t belong in the song, every other girl singer doing it has done the same (to prove they could?)

I like Frosty the Snowman, but I can’t listen to Jimmy Durante doing it. He wasn’t a singer, as was obvious in his recording. I also don’t like Burl Ives’ singing voice, even though he could sing. But even with those two recording the song, I still like the song itself. Just not their versions.

That said, I have some songs that, even if Johnny Mathis recorded them, I just don’t like.

So, yes, I have a list of hated songs. I also have a list of most-loved songs that, no matter how often I hear them, I still love them. Everything in between is fine.

Now,  here’s my list of Christmas songs I never ever want to hear again (and wish I’d never heard in the first place.)

10. It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

9. It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

8. Santa Claus is Coming to Town (Springsteen version only)

7, Baby, It’s Cold Outside

6. Jingle Bell Rock

5. Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree

4. Stepping into Christmas

3. I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas

2. Santa Baby

1. All I Want for Christmas is You (Mariah Carey)

 

Okay, I know there are people actively unfriending me as they read, because the ones I can’t stand are beloved by many (and I didn’t even include “Merry Christmas Baby” by the Carpenters because I can’t stand anything by the Carpenters – probably because we had to do so many Carpenters’ songs when I was in Glee Club), but hear me out. I also have a top 10 of favorite Christmas songs (and yeah, one or two are as unpopular to others as Mariah Carey’s is to me). “The Christmas Shoes” is special to me because my mother died 6 days before Christmas. And while it came in at #11, Christmas Wrapping by the Waitresses deserves mention. So here goes:

10. Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy (David Bowie and Bing Crosby)

9. Do They Know It’s Christmas (Band Aid)

8. Father Christmas (The Kinks)

7. O Holy Night ( Johnny Mathis)

6. Same Old Lang Syne (Dan Fogelberg)

5. Last Christmas (Wham – no one else does it justice)

4.  The Christmas Shoes

3. Christmas Canon (Trans-Siberian Orchestra)

2. I Believe in Father Christmas (Keith Emmerson)

1. Believe – Josh Groban

 

There are many, many great Christmas songs, especially the religious carols, and a lot of fun songs, like Snoopy’s Christmas, -- and let’s not forget the Hanukkah song for those who don’t celebrate Christmas – but I had to limit things to a top and bottom 10 list. So, whether you agree with me or not, the holiday season, which apparently starts at Halloween and ends for some the day after Christmas, for others after the 8 days of Kwanzaa, and still others on 12^th night, aka the feast of three kings, is upon us. I wish everyone the joy of the season, healing for those who are hurting, and hope -- most especially hope. And apologies to anyone I may have left out.

 

‘Tis the Season

Once upon a time, when I was a child, celebrating the Christmas season was very different.

Back in those days, people did not decorate their houses with lights and inflatables for Halloween. A single jack-o-lantern with a candle in it (yes, a real candle with a flame) on the front step or in the front window was all the decoration any house would have, if they chose to decorate.  Lights were strictly for Christmas.

There were no inflatable turkeys on front lawns to indicate Thanksgiving.

And Christmas decorations definitely did not make an appearance in stores in August!

No, in my day – as my grandmother would have put it – Christmas decorations began going up in the shopping centers in the last two weeks of November, to be in place by Black Friday, when the Christmas shopping season officially began, and not on people’s houses until the weekend of Thanksgiving, at the earliest.

Even Black Friday has changed meaning somewhat. Whereas when I was a child, the day after Thanksgiving was the day  stores hoped to finally be “in the black,” that is, finally showing a profit for the year, it now is more akin to being a black day of kill-or-be-killed trying to get a parking space in any mall or restaurant parking lot.

Stores, in an effort to outdo one another, hold pseudo-Black Fridays in September, October, and in some cases, in a “Christmas in July” sale.

There are those who no longer hold Thanksgiving sacred as an American Holiday for family and friends. They drag their employees away from the family meal to work on what should be a holiday, all for financial gain over their competitors.

None of this would work if there weren’t those who gobble the turkey early so they can be first in line at the tradition-scoffing stores to buy up everything they see, needed or not. Thanksgiving has become, for some, a glut not of food, but of consumerism.

In recent years, the internet has come to the aid of those who hate crowds and lines, and created an alternative to Black Friday called something like “Cyber Monday.” It usually happens the Monday after Thanksgiving, and provides discounts on consumer items for sale on the internet. With offers like Amazon Prime, which offer next day delivery in some cases, it saves time, frustration and physical confrontations with someone who wants the last of the same item you do.

But I remember a time when Thanksgiving was a time to visit relatives. Thanksgiving dinner at Grandmom’s was often a feature of the kick-off to the Christmas season. I can still remember the food smells at Grandmom’s and the feel of plastic slip-covers against my skin because visiting Grandmom and Grandpop required wearing one’s Sunday best.

One Thanksgiving in particular sticks in my memory. It’s the only one I remember going to the Philadelphia Thanksgiving Day Parade, the event that welcomed Santa Claus into the area.

I was perhaps three or four. There was snow – yes, snow in November, which was common then – and I stood on a snow pile provided by the plows that had cleared the road.

I was nice and warm in my dress coat – it was red – with matching leggings and hat. My feet in dress shoes were ensconced in white rubber boots that were meant to have shoes inside them. Beneath the coat, of course, was a dress that had a poufy petticoat beneath.

We watched the parade go by, and then went to our grandparents’ house in South Philadelphia.

While at their house, once we were warmed up and sufficiently fussed over, we kids often went for a walk with Grandpop and Dad while Mother and Grandmom finished the preparations for dinner.  We usually went around the corner to visit my father’s Aunt Marion and her family, and then to the corner bar to visit his cousin, Jack.

Dinner at Grandmom’s sometimes included an aunt and uncle with children in tow as well. But it was always best manners, please and thank-you, and not complaining about anything at the table. My grandmother’s home-made mashed potatoes were my favorite, lumps and all.

If we’d gone to Aunt Marion’s before dinner, we went down the street to the next block after dinner to visit my mother’s Aunt Mary, and my mother’s cousin, Janey May. Aunt Mary died when I was very young, but I remember her making a fuss, as if we were the most wonderful children every created. She was the happiest adult I ever knew.

The other holiday tradition our family adhered to was the “Annual Trip” into Philadelphia at Christmas time. Being good Catholics, we children all attended Catholic school. December 8, Feast of the Immaculate Conception, was the last school holiday before Christmas. That was our day in the city.

Once rush hour was over and train fares were cheaper (off-peak), my mother, brothers and I, all dressed in our good clothes and dress coats, would walk the few blocks down the main road to the train station.  Back then, one did not “go out” in play clothes or casual coats. I recall once or twice being in the stroller on the way there.

The trip to the city was more pleasant than the one home because we were in a no-smoking car. When we came home with Dad, we were in the airless smoking car so he could have his cigarettes. That and the fact that we were tired by then made for a less happy return ride.

As we approached the city, my brothers would point out the window and say, “Look, there’s Billy Penn,” referring to the statue of Pennsylvania’s founder atop City Hall, which could be seen from the station before the terminus. As a preschooler, I had no idea what they were looking at, and thought they said “Billy the Penguin.” I didn’t want to be thought stupid – Rob always said I was – so I pretended I could see him, too. I spent my day wandering around staring up at the sky, not because I was a country bumpkin in the city, but because I was looking for the floating penguin in the sky.

Once in the city, we were on a mission. The first stop was Gimbels. That was where the “real” Santa Clause was (hadn’t we seen him get out of the sleigh and climb the fire truck ladder into the 8^th floor window at Gimbels on Thanksgiving?). Along the long line for our turn with the Jolly Elf, were animated Christmas scenes and decorations.

When we finally reached Santa’s lap, we had our picture taken with him, and told him what we wanted for Christmas.

After the Santa line we strolled down Market Street, taking in the decorations in the various windows of Lit Brothers and Strawbridge and Clothier. We entered each of those stores in search of new outfits and Stride Rite shoes. Unlike children today, we did not pick clothes from the racks and have tantrums if Mother didn’t like our choices. No, we stood patiently or not, waiting for my mother to pick out two or three outfits and then asking us which one of those we wanted. That was our freedom of choice.

Usually, we had clothes picked out by lunch time, and only shoes or a new coat, if necessary, in the wings for the afternoon. Lunch was usually at Horn and Hardart’s automat.

I loved the automat. First of all, there was usually a blind man sitting outside with a tin cup and pencils. One of the highlights of my day was being allowed to put money in his cup. While it was only a dime or a quarter, his response was always the same, “Thank you. God bless you.”

I never took a pencil because I didn’t know I was allowed to. But I didn’t need the pencil, anyway.

Once inside the automat, we would decide what we wanted, then put our coins in the slot to open the glass door. Behind the door was our meal. Mine was usually a beef pot pie.

After lunch, we would walk farther down  Market Street to Broad Street. City hall was at that intersection, and the John Wanamaker store was across Market just before City Hall. Into Wanamaker’s we would go. The final items we needed would be purchased there. My AAA shoes in whatever size I currently wore would be either black patent leather, or, a couple of times when I was allowed to be particularly elegant, black velvet.

Once my brothers and I had our shoes, and my mother had shoes or occasionally a new dress, we would go to the main hall of the store, where the eagle was.

People who were getting together in Philadelphia frequently used the phrase, “Meet me at the eagle.” The eagle was a bronze statue created by a German sculptor. The centerpiece of the store, it was, actually, in the center of the store. A wall opposite was the site of the Christmas display.

Wanamaker’s was famous for its organ. An organist played music while people shopped. Alas, those days are gone, although the organ is still there, and the store is now owned by Macy’s.

But in those days, as is still true today, every day between Black Friday and New Year’s Day, at 2, 4 and 6 pm a light show animation would play on the wall while the organist played and someone narrated the story that was appearing like magic before our eyes. I think we usually saw the 4 pm show, crushed by all of the other people jockeying for position to see it at its best.

After the light show, we would make our way back down Market Street to 12^th and walk down 12^th to Callowhill, where my father worked. We spent some time having a fuss made over us by my dad’s boss and others with whom he worked. Then it was off to dinner.

That day out was one of the few in the year when we actually ate out. And on that evening, it was at a restaurant rather than a diner. We went to Wanamaker’s again to the Crystal Room, an elegant restaurant on one of the upper floors, back when there was an elevator operator to take people to the desired floor.

In addition to the tables and waiters, there was a silver tree decorated with lights and Christmas ornaments. There were wrapped packages under it. It was in a cordoned off corner, and it shocked me when I saw children climbing around the tree. Having had “the talk,” (“We’re going out. You’re to be on your best behavior. If I have to speak to you while we’re out, just wait till you get home.”) I assumed all children were given the same directions. I couldn’t imagine what horrors awaited these children when they got home.

Once dinner was over, we went back up Market Street to Reading Terminal for our train home. When we arrived at our station, we didn’t have to walk back home, because Dad had the car parked at the station, and the tired little teddy bears were able to ride in comfort.

What a shame children today miss the wonders we experienced.